Our Poledancer alarm clock is guaranteed to spice up dreary mornings. As you awake from your alcohol-fuelled doze, you'll be entertained by a saucy girl doing a sumptuous twirl around her pole for your eyes only.

Now that sort of thing costs a pretty penny in so-called 'gentlemen's clubs' and we're giving it to you for next to nothing. Don't say we never do anything for you.

And just in case that doesn't satisfy you. And if it doesn't, heaven knows what will, it's also a fully functioning alarm clock, so you can, like, tell the time on it and stuff as well.